Do I have to force my kids to see the other parent?
A difficult issue for some separated parents is how to manage parenting time when you have concerns about the other parent’s ability to care for the child. The Ontario Courts have been quite strong about sending the message that children deserve a relationship with both parents and that it is a parent’s responsibility to “be positive” about promoting the relationship, despite concerns about parenting deficiencies or abuse.
It can be very difficult to “be positive” when sending your kids off to an environment you may not believe is in their best interests, and when the kids come home to report all of your concerns were realized, keeping the “right” attitude can be mission impossible.
Furthermore, the fear of being labelled as an alienator, someone who causes the children to reject the other parent for no realistic reason, is a huge worry, as alienators can have the children completely removed from their care. When the abuse is not physical or sexual, but emotional or psychological, it can be very difficult to establish the need for limiting parent – child contact making the alienator allegation easier to claim and prove.
Recently the Ontario Court of Appeal case Shipton v. Shipton 2024 ONCA 624 made some important statements that goes some way towards disempowering the “alienator” allegation. This case may move the courts forward in recognizing the conundrum a parent is in when an abusive partner is seeking to exercise parenting time.
In Shipton, the mother reported the father had controlled her, trapped her, isolated her from family and friends, manipulated her psychologically, and restricted her ability to leave the home, and that this behaviour got worse after the of their child.
The lower court, the Superior Court of Justice, refused to allow the mother to relocate from Ontario to Ireland with the child to return to her hometown, after rejecting her evidence about the degree of coercive control and psychological abuse as more of a ruse to get away than a real abusive relationship.
The Court of Appeal was direct in rebuking of the lower court, particularly for characterizing the mother’s “use of police services as a kind of marital counselling agency”. The Court of Appeal writes “This mocking and inflammatory tone is inappropriate in a judicial decision”.
This appeal case is good news for people trying to get out of domestic violence relationships and to be taken seriously when they present evidence that, notwithstanding there are no criminal charges or convictions, the relationship was abusive.
We have come a long way from the time when the “Rule of Thumb” meant it was okay for a husband to beat his wife with a rob no thicker than his thumb. We are making progress towards ending domestic violence and Shipton v. Shipton takes us in the right direction.
